Best Dad Jokes of 2026
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
I'm afraid for the calendar.
Its days are numbered.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador!
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.
The cashier said never mind.
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh!
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs!
What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner!
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left!
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener!
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts!
Why did the poker player go to the dentist?
He had a full house but needed a crown!
What's a dad's favorite casino game?
Craps — he's been dealing with it since the kids were born!
I told my kids I won big at the casino.
They said, 'How much?' I said, 'My dignity back.'
Why don't poker players ever get cold?
They always have a full house!
What did the dealer say to the deck of cards?
I can't deal with you anymore!